Dealing with Perfection when Dating

If you struggle in love, you are probably one of those people who claim to be a perfectionist. The root belief of that type of personality is about not being good enough. No matter how good your life can be there is always that voice inside that says it could be better. Even when you have a fantastic date, you start to pick apart their faults. If someone breaks up with you, immediately you begin to wonder what you did wrong.

Many perfectionists have grown up in critical households. Rarely complimented and highly judged, they become their own worse enemy as their parents comments become their own voice inside their minds. To make up for this imbalance, these people strive for success but are seldom satisfied with whatever goals they reach. When good things happen, they tend to label their fortune as luck and have anxiety about being worthy of having it all.

Some singles with this belief will find fault with the nice guys/girls they date saying “they are not good enough.” At the same time, these searchers give their heart away to people who treat them poorly because they really believe on a deep level “they themselves are not good enough.” The nice guys/girls who get rejected start to feel “not good enough” and the cycle continues where a healthy relationship is rare in our society.

When I was single, I used to constantly work on personal improvement. I knew if I just made myself a little better that someone would finally love me. Anytime I would start to feel good about myself, a guy would stop calling and I felt like a failure again. Then on to another workshop to become someone better, more appealing, more loveable so that I could finally earn the right to be in a healthy relationship. In other words, I had perfection so tightly related to having a partner that I was blocking love because I was never felt perfect. You simply cannot be in two places at the same time.

The problem with the term personal improvement is that it is a illusory idea. This concept assumes that people are broken and need to be fixed, improved upon to fit in with all of the normal people in the world. If God made man in his likeness, don’t you think there is possibly at least a little bit of perfection in all of us?

Becoming your best self does not have to mean that you are learning something new because you already have perfection built in. The process is more about letting go of the false ideas that you picked up through your life, so that you can rediscover that inner light that is so bright and perfect within you.

When I started to distinguish between my human foibles and my true divine nature, I became free. Learning to accept my human behaviors and forgive myself for past mistakes, I let go of making that human part of me wrong, bad or incompetent. By looking at myself with soft eyes, even when I am at my worse, I can accept a partner in my life who will love me completely as well.

Stop picking yourself apart and shut off the voice that says be thinner, smarter, richer, funnier, more adventurous or whatever. Shift your mind to love even the times when you find it hard to love you. You know it is much easier to love someone when they are good but it takes wisdom to love them when they disappoint us. The best news is that you do not need to change a thing, only your perception of yourself.

All of my life I was searching for someone to love me. I discovered that she has been inside all along, just waiting for me give her hug and tell me that I am perfect just the way I am. Ultimately, I attracted a man into my life who agrees with her.

Attract Love of Your Life with Hypnosis Interview

Love Coach and Hypnotist, Debra Berndt explains how the subconscious mind affects your dating life. Use her attract love visualization hypnosis programs to shift your attraction magnet to meet true love.
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Let Go of Past Relationships

Do you have a hard time letting go of someone or something from
your past? Whether he/she is an ex-husband or ex-wife or family
member that caused you pain?

This lack of completion can be the reason why you struggle in your love life. If you are ready to release that person or event once and for all, join me for my next live teleseminar:

EVENT IS OVER – Visit my replay page at AttractRealLove.com

Toxic Assets in your Relationship Vault?

Do you have toxic assets in your relationship vault?

There is a lot of talk about toxic assets that banks have on their books, but when you conduct an assessment of the relationships in your life, do you have any that are toxic as well? Toxic relationships not only bring you down but also block good things into your life. These people are not an asset but a liability in your desire for a richer, more joyful experience.

What is a toxic relationship?

A parent, sibling, child, co-worker, ex-husband/wife, friend who is a constant strain on your emotional life. These people tend to be highly critical of you or put down your efforts to improve yourself. Many times these mental contagions have their own problems and want to dump them on you by blaming you for their failures or dissuade you from reaching your own dreams because they are jealous or lack motivation to improve their own life. Many times the toxic person has an addiction, mental illness, extreme low self-esteem that keeps them stuck. If they cannot find themselves out of their problems, they do not want you to succeed and will attempt to pull you down when you reach for the stars.

How can they affect you?

Toxic people can send messages directly to your subconscious mind which sabotage any attempts you make to improve your life. Since your mind is an open system, you can pick up their negativity and accept ideas that come from them even if you do not agree on the conscious level. Just like toxins are hidden in some foods, sometimes people who think they have the best intentions can infiltrate your mind with negative beliefs. No matter how hard you try to think positive, If you spend enough time around them, your subconscious will accept the constant flow of ideas that are constantly around you. It is like these people are hypnotizing you to match their ideas!

Why do you keep these people around?

Maybe you feel sorry for them or feel the need to help them. Some stay in these relationships because they feel responsible because of family obligations. Others stay in jobs with toxic bosses or co-workers because they feel there is no other option, they need the job and simply cannot just walk away. Still some believe they do not deserve to have more positive people in their lives.

How does the law of attraction play a role in this relationship?

You tend to attract people in your life that play out a role in a part of your subconscious. If there is a part of you that does not believe she/he is good enough, there will be someone in your life that reflects that idea. Even if you are not aware on the conscious level, the subconscious can have a hidden belief that attracted that person into your life. Think of their interaction as feedback and work on yourself to clear the idea that created the unpleasant experience with that person.

What can you do?

There are many ways to deal with toxic relationships and you are the only one who knows what is best option for your particular situation. You always have the power of choice. You can choose to remain in the situation and complain about it, you can cut ties with the person completely, or you can learn to separate their behavior from your sense of self-worth and acceptance.

If you choose to cut ties, you must be sure to clear any emotional baggage that was accumulated through the relationship. Just physically removing yourself from them is not enough. If you still have mind-chatter about what transpired, such as regrets, anger or grief, these reactions should be addressed and cleared so that you can fully regain your power again.

If you choose to remain in the person’s environment (for whatever reason), you can take steps to protect yourself from their toxic vibes. First, try to identify what belief is running the drama in the relationship. If it is an idea that you are not good enough, work with your own subconscious mind to rewrite that script on the deeper level. Self-hypnosis is an easy, powerful way to do this.

Once cleared, the attraction vibe is deactivated and the person will naturally move out of your life or will amazingly shift their behavior toward you. Once you change the subconscious belief that drew them to you in the first place, you will discover that it is easier to keep your boundaries and not take things personally anymore around them.

Everyone that comes into your life brings a wonderful opportunity for healing. If you can discover the gift of that person’s presence and heal the toxic emotions created by their interaction, you will experience an intense freedom. No longer being unconsciously manipulated by those around you, you become a force of truth unbeatable in your desire to create an amazing, happy life.

Workout Motivation with Hypnosis

Check out an interview Debra Berndt, Clinical Hypnotherapist and Relationship Expert had with Denver’s ABC News on Saturday morning about how to motivate yourself to workout with self hypnosis. Weight loss with hypnosis tips are also included in this segment. Debra is now located in NYC area.

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Gain Dating Confidence with Hypnosis

See WB2 News piece on Debra Berndt’s Dating Confidence HypnoDating program with testimonial from successful client.

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Attracting The One with Hypnosis

Find out how you can attract the one by using a little self-hypnosis. Clinical Hypnotherapist and Relationship Expert, Debra Berndt explains how your subconscious mind can be a powerful tool in changing your dating destiny. See her interview below on ABC News in Denver:

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How to heal from a Breakup and Lose Weight with hypnosis

Hear Love Coach and Relationship Expert, Debra Berndt discuss how breakups can cause weight can and how hypnosis can heal a broken heart as well as help you shed the pounds.

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Subconscious Mind in Love & Dating Interview

Hypnotherapist and Relationship Expert, Debra Berndt explains how you can increase your chances of success with online dating with the help of hypnosis. Learn how your subconscious mind plays a role in picking your matches and how to change your dating destiny to attract the right one.

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Hypnosis for Dating Confidence

ABC News interview on Valentine’s Day 2006 with Hypnotherapist Debra Berndt who discusses how anyone can use hypnosis to attract true love. She dispels the myths of hypnosis and how she used this powerful technique to attract her man.

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