Letting Go of Someone – Healing Resentment

Have you ever wondered why you hang on to resentment or cannot let go of a person that you think you love even if they are not treating you well? Whether it is an ex-lover or a difficult or abusing person from the past, our inner mind reacts the same way. It is difficult to just let it go.

This occurs because you want the other person to be or act different. You want them to apologize, love you, treat you better, talk to you differently, or even worse, you want them to suffer. Many times it is about being right and other times about being loved. The reason your feelings are so intense if not because of their behavior as much as the story you have created around it. You may be confusing their action or lack of action as a gauge of your own self-worth. You need them to be different so you will be okay. The part of you that does not feel worthy is hooked into them and their actions.

So imagine that you are all light, a beautiful light beam. When you fall in romantic love, you hand a portion of your energy over to that other person and concerned about them loving you back.  When they leave, it feels as though a part of you is missing and you are constantly striving to get your energy back. You aren’t in love with the person but the idea of who you think they are to you.

So let’s turn this around to someone you resent. What if that person was harmful to you and you felt they STOLE some of your energy. You are still concerned that they have a piece of your energy and you strive to get it back. You really don’t hate them as much as you feel weak and want to gain your power back. This often happens when someone is raped, beaten or harmed by a stranger or even a loved one. You are mad at them for taking your power but they cannot take what you do not give them. It is an illusion that they have taken anything from you. Sure emotional wounds are deeper than physical wounds, but after the event is over, it is YOUR CHOICE as to whether you want to continue to have them hold your energy.

You stay hooked until you realize how powerful you are and do not need a response from them in order to feel worthy of love. If they had raped you and apologized, groveled at your feet, do you think that would make you feel better? No, you would still want more if you are still hooked. You would want them to suffer the rest of their life and would always want proof of their suffering. That is a lot of work! Do you really want to give that person more of your energy?  Wouldn’t it be nice to let God/Karma be in control of their debt and you become free of policing the universe?

What happened to you or why someone left may not have been your choice, but how you react and continue to view the past is completely in your control. By letting go, you allow those beautiful light beams that you gave away to return to you. You own your energy and the thoughts that occupy your mind. You are not condoning the act as much as releasing the pain you no longer wish to carry around the person or event. You get to choose…you are powerful and you deserve to keep all of your energy so that you can direct it at higher purposes and creating a better world.

Let Go of Past Relationships

Do you have a hard time letting go of someone or something from
your past? Whether he/she is an ex-husband or ex-wife or family
member that caused you pain?

This lack of completion can be the reason why you struggle in your love life. If you are ready to release that person or event once and for all, join me for my next live teleseminar:

EVENT IS OVER – Visit my replay page at AttractRealLove.com

Toxic Assets in your Relationship Vault?

Do you have toxic assets in your relationship vault?

There is a lot of talk about toxic assets that banks have on their books, but when you conduct an assessment of the relationships in your life, do you have any that are toxic as well? Toxic relationships not only bring you down but also block good things into your life. These people are not an asset but a liability in your desire for a richer, more joyful experience.

What is a toxic relationship?

A parent, sibling, child, co-worker, ex-husband/wife, friend who is a constant strain on your emotional life. These people tend to be highly critical of you or put down your efforts to improve yourself. Many times these mental contagions have their own problems and want to dump them on you by blaming you for their failures or dissuade you from reaching your own dreams because they are jealous or lack motivation to improve their own life. Many times the toxic person has an addiction, mental illness, extreme low self-esteem that keeps them stuck. If they cannot find themselves out of their problems, they do not want you to succeed and will attempt to pull you down when you reach for the stars.

How can they affect you?

Toxic people can send messages directly to your subconscious mind which sabotage any attempts you make to improve your life. Since your mind is an open system, you can pick up their negativity and accept ideas that come from them even if you do not agree on the conscious level. Just like toxins are hidden in some foods, sometimes people who think they have the best intentions can infiltrate your mind with negative beliefs. No matter how hard you try to think positive, If you spend enough time around them, your subconscious will accept the constant flow of ideas that are constantly around you. It is like these people are hypnotizing you to match their ideas!

Why do you keep these people around?

Maybe you feel sorry for them or feel the need to help them. Some stay in these relationships because they feel responsible because of family obligations. Others stay in jobs with toxic bosses or co-workers because they feel there is no other option, they need the job and simply cannot just walk away. Still some believe they do not deserve to have more positive people in their lives.

How does the law of attraction play a role in this relationship?

You tend to attract people in your life that play out a role in a part of your subconscious. If there is a part of you that does not believe she/he is good enough, there will be someone in your life that reflects that idea. Even if you are not aware on the conscious level, the subconscious can have a hidden belief that attracted that person into your life. Think of their interaction as feedback and work on yourself to clear the idea that created the unpleasant experience with that person.

What can you do?

There are many ways to deal with toxic relationships and you are the only one who knows what is best option for your particular situation. You always have the power of choice. You can choose to remain in the situation and complain about it, you can cut ties with the person completely, or you can learn to separate their behavior from your sense of self-worth and acceptance.

If you choose to cut ties, you must be sure to clear any emotional baggage that was accumulated through the relationship. Just physically removing yourself from them is not enough. If you still have mind-chatter about what transpired, such as regrets, anger or grief, these reactions should be addressed and cleared so that you can fully regain your power again.

If you choose to remain in the person’s environment (for whatever reason), you can take steps to protect yourself from their toxic vibes. First, try to identify what belief is running the drama in the relationship. If it is an idea that you are not good enough, work with your own subconscious mind to rewrite that script on the deeper level. Self-hypnosis is an easy, powerful way to do this.

Once cleared, the attraction vibe is deactivated and the person will naturally move out of your life or will amazingly shift their behavior toward you. Once you change the subconscious belief that drew them to you in the first place, you will discover that it is easier to keep your boundaries and not take things personally anymore around them.

Everyone that comes into your life brings a wonderful opportunity for healing. If you can discover the gift of that person’s presence and heal the toxic emotions created by their interaction, you will experience an intense freedom. No longer being unconsciously manipulated by those around you, you become a force of truth unbeatable in your desire to create an amazing, happy life.

Love Coach Show – Wednesdays at 4pm

Listen to the Love Coach Show hosted by Debra Berndt every Wednesday on BlogTalkRadio.com at 4pm EST. Each week Debra interviews dating and relationship experts to provide tips on how you can experience healthier relationships and attract the person of your dreams.

Be sure to visit the replay page for previous shows.

Who is your dating influence?

Who has been the biggest influence on your romantic life? I used to think that my Dad had such a terrible impact and I blamed him for all of my romantic failures. I saw a strict, distant man and this limited way of looking at him only kept me in a cycle of heartache as I continued to attract emotionally-unavailable men.

After I healed that relationship and saw the real man behind the stern facade, something changed. He continued to have a big impact on my dating life because he showed me how loving and compassionate men can be even with their hard exterior. When I became aware of his gentler, loving side, I started being attracted to the nice guys which ultimately led me to the love of my life.

So, take a look deeper beyond the surface of the person you blame for your failed relationships and see if there is something more to them. By opening your mind to another possibility besides the old opinion you carried throughout your life, you may be surprised at what you discover about them. This relationship is the foundation of all others. What you see in them, you will see in all of your romantic partners. Isn’t it time to see something new?

Healing After A Breakup with a Spouse or Lover

Most people that arrive at my office for relationship issues have recently gone through a painful breakup. They want to know how to cope with a breakup with their boyfriend, spouse or even just their latest fling. They experience bad breakup depression and wonder if there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Currently, the marriage breakup statistics are around 67% so there is an epidemic of relationship problems. Even though breakups can be hard, I hope I can give some advice on how to deal with a breakup that will bring you more peace.

The pain you feel when you experience heartache is an old feeling. The painful emotions are not about the other person. What? You say? How could that be? The core foundation of that pain was something you originally felt a long time ago (probably as a child). Humans project their pain onto outer situations and make the experience the cause of the pain. The breakup was only a mirror to a deeper hurt you had felt before in life.  My Breakup Recovery self-hypnosis program is an amazing tool to help you overcome the depression and move on after a breakup.

If you feel that you are constantly getting your heart broken by men or women, there could be a pattern in your subconscious that is creating the attraction and the demise of the relationship. Of course, the other party has their subconscious baggage as well and they could have rejected you because of their unhealed issues. Deep feelings of unworthiness or unlovableness tends to attract people and situations that mirror those beliefs. The only way to change your dating destiny is to change your subconscious programming to feeling more lovable and worthy. My self-hypnosis programs designed specifically for relationships are an easy and simple way to change your inner mind and transform your outer reality. Check them out at my online store.