Let Love In – Now a Bestseller on Amazon!

Debra Berndt’s new book is now available, but you can buy it today on Amazon. Now an Amazon Bestseller!
Let Love In: How to Open Your Heart and Mind to Attract Your Ideal Partner is the first-ever self-hypnosis guide to attract the love of your life.

Toxic Assets in your Relationship Vault?

Do you have toxic assets in your relationship vault?

There is a lot of talk about toxic assets that banks have on their books, but when you conduct an assessment of the relationships in your life, do you have any that are toxic as well? Toxic relationships not only bring you down but also block good things into your life. These people are not an asset but a liability in your desire for a richer, more joyful experience.

What is a toxic relationship?

A parent, sibling, child, co-worker, ex-husband/wife, friend who is a constant strain on your emotional life. These people tend to be highly critical of you or put down your efforts to improve yourself. Many times these mental contagions have their own problems and want to dump them on you by blaming you for their failures or dissuade you from reaching your own dreams because they are jealous or lack motivation to improve their own life. Many times the toxic person has an addiction, mental illness, extreme low self-esteem that keeps them stuck. If they cannot find themselves out of their problems, they do not want you to succeed and will attempt to pull you down when you reach for the stars.

How can they affect you?

Toxic people can send messages directly to your subconscious mind which sabotage any attempts you make to improve your life. Since your mind is an open system, you can pick up their negativity and accept ideas that come from them even if you do not agree on the conscious level. Just like toxins are hidden in some foods, sometimes people who think they have the best intentions can infiltrate your mind with negative beliefs. No matter how hard you try to think positive, If you spend enough time around them, your subconscious will accept the constant flow of ideas that are constantly around you. It is like these people are hypnotizing you to match their ideas!

Why do you keep these people around?

Maybe you feel sorry for them or feel the need to help them. Some stay in these relationships because they feel responsible because of family obligations. Others stay in jobs with toxic bosses or co-workers because they feel there is no other option, they need the job and simply cannot just walk away. Still some believe they do not deserve to have more positive people in their lives.

How does the law of attraction play a role in this relationship?

You tend to attract people in your life that play out a role in a part of your subconscious. If there is a part of you that does not believe she/he is good enough, there will be someone in your life that reflects that idea. Even if you are not aware on the conscious level, the subconscious can have a hidden belief that attracted that person into your life. Think of their interaction as feedback and work on yourself to clear the idea that created the unpleasant experience with that person.

What can you do?

There are many ways to deal with toxic relationships and you are the only one who knows what is best option for your particular situation. You always have the power of choice. You can choose to remain in the situation and complain about it, you can cut ties with the person completely, or you can learn to separate their behavior from your sense of self-worth and acceptance.

If you choose to cut ties, you must be sure to clear any emotional baggage that was accumulated through the relationship. Just physically removing yourself from them is not enough. If you still have mind-chatter about what transpired, such as regrets, anger or grief, these reactions should be addressed and cleared so that you can fully regain your power again.

If you choose to remain in the person’s environment (for whatever reason), you can take steps to protect yourself from their toxic vibes. First, try to identify what belief is running the drama in the relationship. If it is an idea that you are not good enough, work with your own subconscious mind to rewrite that script on the deeper level. Self-hypnosis is an easy, powerful way to do this.

Once cleared, the attraction vibe is deactivated and the person will naturally move out of your life or will amazingly shift their behavior toward you. Once you change the subconscious belief that drew them to you in the first place, you will discover that it is easier to keep your boundaries and not take things personally anymore around them.

Everyone that comes into your life brings a wonderful opportunity for healing. If you can discover the gift of that person’s presence and heal the toxic emotions created by their interaction, you will experience an intense freedom. No longer being unconsciously manipulated by those around you, you become a force of truth unbeatable in your desire to create an amazing, happy life.

Stop Falling for the Ones You Can’t Have – Dating Teleseminar Replay

Hear the replay of Debra Berndt’s teleseminar on how to stop attracting unavailable partners and how to attract a healthy relationship.  Here’s what we covered:

• Learn about the types of unavailable relationships
• How People Act with Unavailable partners
• Signs that you are in one (if you don’t already know)
• How do you change your experience?
• Brief  Clearing Hypnosis Exercise

Stay on the list for notification of the next event!

Fear of Intimacy in Dating

Many singles think they want a relationship, but are really afraid of commitment and intimacy with someone who really cares for them. These hidden fears from past hurts and possible abuse have put an armor of protection around their heart. They reject available men who treat them nice, while they pine over their old boyfriends years after a breakup. The subconscious likes to keep things the same, so if your past patterns are about heartache and painful relationships, you are more than likely to perpetuate your experience into the future dating life…unless your change your subconscious.

The subconscious stores your past hurts and warns you of danger any time someone tries to get close. The unavailable men are “safe” to the subconscious because on a deep level you know you won’t be faced with the challenge of opening up to real intimacy with someone who is not available. Singles tend to run away from the “nice” people and lust for the bad boys and girls who cause them heartache. It is an automatic reaction, and you can feel powerless over this misguided sense of attraction.

You can change those fears by forgiving the people in the past that hurt you and be willing to move on to someone who will treat you kindly. It takes practice to distinguish real intuitive nudges to walk away, and false fears of actually being open to an intimate relationship. I created the Allowing Intimacy program to help singles let go of past hurts and allow real love into their future. Flooding the mind with new information of being worthy of love will support you in making the right choices in dating and give the “nice guys” a chance.

Online Dating – When and How much do we open up?

I recently was interviewed by a writer on Match.com regarding the email communications between prospective online daters.  It made me realize how our dating society has changed.  In my dating days, I remember the difference in how men communicated with me after seeing my online dating ad.  Some jumped right in and gave me their life story in the first email, while others remained strangely aloof.  I remember one guy who gave me a 500 word essay email and I replied back with a short response, but told him I was interested.  A few days later when we tried to plan a date, he had already met someone else that he was “crazy” about.  That experience taught me to watch for the love wannabes – people looking for a relationship not a person.  A few of these jump in and out scenarios left me a little cautious when opening up to new prospective dates.  After learning my lesson, I saw how single men are so easy to read through their email communications.  I could always tell the womanizer, the shy guy and even the desperado looking for love with every person dating online.

Since online dating can be a scary thing, women often try to avoid getting too personal until they get to know the person.  But is overcaution causing them to miss out on a great available single guy just waiting to meet the right person?  When is it appropriate to open up and how much?  My rule of thumb always goes back to my intuition.  It has never been wrong.  Not to say I didn’t meet my share of jerks  when dating, but that was because I ignored my intuition because the guy was cute (my downfall).  Instead of opening up, I would put on my mask and pretend I was cool and into whatever they liked.  I watched myself to avoid getting into too deep of a conversation.  It seemed like I was getting closer to my dates, but I was actually building a bigger wedge between them and the real me.  My dating story always ended the same way, being rejected for the persona I was expressing because the guys can FEEL when you are faking it.  They might not know exactly what is wrong, but they know that something is off so they walk away.

After years of struggling in the dating world, I joined Great Expectations as a last ditch effort to find love.  I was not really excited about it, but a friend of mine worked there and pushed me to sign up.  As I pondered the questions and the dreaded “video” they have their single clients perform, I decided not to put on the mask anymore.  I felt like I had nothing to lose, so I was just going to lay it out.  I was real, honest and even a little sappy.  I wanted a spiritual guy who was into personal growth, I wanted a life partner, I wanted someone who was real.  I didn’t stretch the truth about my interest in sports. (In Colorado most guys want a girl who can hike a fourteener, ski or snowboard, etc.).  I was just being me and it paid off.  The very first guy to respond to my online ad was the love of my life.  We spoke for about an hour before we met and immediately connected.

Two years later, we are planning big dreams together and it is the healthiest relationship of my life.  I do not know think it matters how and when you open up to another person, as much as knowing you are finally ready to be real.  You are the only person that can tell you when the time is right and whether the person is right.  It doesn’t matter if you use match, great expectations, true.com or even those find a rich guy sites.  The important thing is to trust your gut, take it slow, and in the end… you just know.

If you need help opening up, I have a great relaxation self-hypnosis program called “Healing Heart” that helps you heal old wounds so that you can be open to love again.