Let Love In – Now a Bestseller on Amazon!

Debra Berndt’s new book is now available, but you can buy it today on Amazon. Now an Amazon Bestseller!
Let Love In: How to Open Your Heart and Mind to Attract Your Ideal Partner is the first-ever self-hypnosis guide to attract the love of your life.

Dealing with Perfection when Dating

If you struggle in love, you are probably one of those people who claim to be a perfectionist. The root belief of that type of personality is about not being good enough. No matter how good your life can be there is always that voice inside that says it could be better. Even when you have a fantastic date, you start to pick apart their faults. If someone breaks up with you, immediately you begin to wonder what you did wrong.

Many perfectionists have grown up in critical households. Rarely complimented and highly judged, they become their own worse enemy as their parents comments become their own voice inside their minds. To make up for this imbalance, these people strive for success but are seldom satisfied with whatever goals they reach. When good things happen, they tend to label their fortune as luck and have anxiety about being worthy of having it all.

Some singles with this belief will find fault with the nice guys/girls they date saying “they are not good enough.” At the same time, these searchers give their heart away to people who treat them poorly because they really believe on a deep level “they themselves are not good enough.” The nice guys/girls who get rejected start to feel “not good enough” and the cycle continues where a healthy relationship is rare in our society.

When I was single, I used to constantly work on personal improvement. I knew if I just made myself a little better that someone would finally love me. Anytime I would start to feel good about myself, a guy would stop calling and I felt like a failure again. Then on to another workshop to become someone better, more appealing, more loveable so that I could finally earn the right to be in a healthy relationship. In other words, I had perfection so tightly related to having a partner that I was blocking love because I was never felt perfect. You simply cannot be in two places at the same time.

The problem with the term personal improvement is that it is a illusory idea. This concept assumes that people are broken and need to be fixed, improved upon to fit in with all of the normal people in the world. If God made man in his likeness, don’t you think there is possibly at least a little bit of perfection in all of us?

Becoming your best self does not have to mean that you are learning something new because you already have perfection built in. The process is more about letting go of the false ideas that you picked up through your life, so that you can rediscover that inner light that is so bright and perfect within you.

When I started to distinguish between my human foibles and my true divine nature, I became free. Learning to accept my human behaviors and forgive myself for past mistakes, I let go of making that human part of me wrong, bad or incompetent. By looking at myself with soft eyes, even when I am at my worse, I can accept a partner in my life who will love me completely as well.

Stop picking yourself apart and shut off the voice that says be thinner, smarter, richer, funnier, more adventurous or whatever. Shift your mind to love even the times when you find it hard to love you. You know it is much easier to love someone when they are good but it takes wisdom to love them when they disappoint us. The best news is that you do not need to change a thing, only your perception of yourself.

All of my life I was searching for someone to love me. I discovered that she has been inside all along, just waiting for me give her hug and tell me that I am perfect just the way I am. Ultimately, I attracted a man into my life who agrees with her.

Love Coach Show Replay – Seven Secrets of Love

Listen to the replay of the

Love Coach Show

hosted by love coach, Debra Berndt as she interviews special guest Mary Jo Fay. Learn about Mary Jo’s book, the Seven Secrets of Love.

Mary Jo Fay is a speaker, columnist, screenwriter, award-winning author, and consultant specializing in relationships – including the oftentimes confusing one we have with ourselves. A registered nurse with a Master’s Degree in her field, she spent many years helping people with their physical health, yet after writing four self-help, relationship books in four years she shifted her emphasis to helping folks with their relationship and sexual health.

Who is your dating influence?

Who has been the biggest influence on your romantic life? I used to think that my Dad had such a terrible impact and I blamed him for all of my romantic failures. I saw a strict, distant man and this limited way of looking at him only kept me in a cycle of heartache as I continued to attract emotionally-unavailable men.

After I healed that relationship and saw the real man behind the stern facade, something changed. He continued to have a big impact on my dating life because he showed me how loving and compassionate men can be even with their hard exterior. When I became aware of his gentler, loving side, I started being attracted to the nice guys which ultimately led me to the love of my life.

So, take a look deeper beyond the surface of the person you blame for your failed relationships and see if there is something more to them. By opening your mind to another possibility besides the old opinion you carried throughout your life, you may be surprised at what you discover about them. This relationship is the foundation of all others. What you see in them, you will see in all of your romantic partners. Isn’t it time to see something new?

How to Let Go of Resentment

Listen to the replay of the Love Coach Show hosted by Debra Berndt with interview of Jane Straus (AskJaneNow.com) about how resentment keeps love out of your life and how to let go and let love in. Jane Straus, Relationship ExpertAbout Jane Straus – Green 960 AM Radio Host of “Ask Jane”. Author, life coach, relationship expert, and media guest, Jane Straus works her magic “live” with individuals and couples on air, on the phone, or in the privacy of her office. She is the author of the popular “Enough Is Enough! Stop Enduring and Start Living Your Extraordinary Life,” written after being diagnosed and treated for a brain tumor when she was 48. Her philosophy of thriving is based on her 25 years of experience helping people overcome fears, self-judgments, and limiting beliefs. Her wise, compassionate, and witty approach is uniquely inspiring. Jane lives in Northern California with her husband and daughter.

Attract Men with Hypnosis

Do you want to know the secret on how to attract men with hypnosis? Most hypnotists will tell you that you should use manipulative hypnotic techniques on the object of your desire. This type of trick is temporary and will not get you closer to attracting your true love.  You may have a fun night out on the town, but aren’t you tired of those? Don’t you want something a little deeper?

The more powerful way to attract men is to use hypnosis on yourself. Self-hypnosis is a great way to change limiting beliefs on the subconscious level so that you can improve your confidence, sense of self-worth and feel more attractive. Not only will you attract more men, but they will want to hang out because your authentic confidence is not an act that will wear off.

How does it work? By relaxing the mind, you open a doorway to the subconscious (the real source of your self-worth) and activate those positive, supportive ideas that help you naturally be more attractive. Affirmations just sit on the surface of your mind and rarely change the subconscious belief system. It takes 1,000 affirmations to equal ONE suggestion in hypnosis!

Think about how much more powerful you will be in a shorter amount of time. It takes 30-60 days to make a permanent shift in the subconscious.  Haven’t you waited long enough?

Don’t be fooled by fancy hypnotic tricks, the real change starts within you. By listening to self-hypnosis, your subconscious mind will be reminded about how wonderful you are and then you will be expressing that incredible self to the world. Men will notice you.

Are you in a love recession?

While others complain of their shrinking paychecks, you may be worried about the diminishing dating pool. Are you in a love recession?

What you need in times like this is your own stimulus package. Here are some tips to create more love in your life and feel abundant no matter what your social status.

1. Place a moratorium on complaining about being single.
Don’t whine to your friends and avoid mentioning to people how hard it is to be in your situation. Your subconscious is always listening to you and will reinforce those negative ideas, only making them stronger. Try to have a complain-free week and see the difference in your attitude.

2. Treat yourself to something fabulous.
Whether it be a pedicure, a massage or something free like a beautiful walk or drive to the beach, adding a little something extra just for you will lift your spirits and help you feel more in control of your own happiness.

3. Mirror Exercise
Look directly at yourself in the mirror and smile. Even if you have to force it, just be with your beautiful self for at least five minutes. Focus on all of your wonderful qualities. Do this every morning and you will be amazed at how great your day unfolds.

4.  Skip
Yes, skip. Even if you are in a busy city, skipping a little brings that playful side out in you. Imagine that as you skip you are kicking off all bad feelings and become lighter and lighter.

5.  Self-Hypnosis
You know I needed to include this one. Either listen to a pre-recorded cd or get into a relaxed state either first thing in the morning or at the end of the day and retrain your repetitive thoughts to ones that support your desires. Close your eyes and imagine being in the arms of your true love. Generate that love feeling every day to act as a “love magnet” drawing him/her into your life.

All these ideas have one basic ingredient – choice. You can choose to shift old behavior or stay in your existing patterns. You may discover some other stimulus activities that work for you but the important thing is that you do something different. Escaping the status quo will undoubtedly happen when you choose to new way of being.

There is a great love already inside of you just waiting to be awakened. When you access this incredible source of power, you become irresistible to the opposite sex. Go ahead, it is okay to shine.

Love Coach Show Videos

Elliott Katz Interview – Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants

open source video, online video platform, video solution

Do You Deserve A Dating Oscar?

Celebrities get awards for their great acting, but do you think you deserve an Oscar for one of your dating performances? Many dating experts will give the advice that you should ACT confident and do all the right things to get to the second date. Following this approach you may end up acting your way into a relationship that is based on false pretenses. At one point you will have to face your mate as your real self, and then what?

If you feel as though you need to act different than you are, you are shutting your true self out and lowering your self-esteem. If you put on a mask, you are ashamed of what is underneath and, no matter how hot you look in that black cocktail dress or Armani suit, your self-hate will eventually be revealed.

Instead of changing, you can simply accept yourself unconditionally right now. By loving yourself even with your wrinkles, extra bumps and quirky ways, your confidence will naturally increase. Beneath the surface there is nothing but beauty and love…so why hide it?

Get out there and be your amazing self. There is someone out there looking for someone exactly like you.

Stages of Relationships – Avoid Quick Fixes

Featuring Love Coach, Debra Berndt and special Guest Michelle Casto (brightlightcoaching.com)

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