Closing the Gap – Loving Where You Are

When I lived in Colorado, I did a lot of hiking. The mountains are so beautiful and there is nothing like the sounds of nature. One of those beautiful Rocky Mountain summer days, I was winding up the path to the top of a hiking trail and enjoying my time outside of the busy city. After a few hours, I noticed that my legs were starting to burn and I looked forward to reaching the summit. My mind shifted to focus on the destination and I quickly tuned out the singing birds, the waterfalls and the fresh air. I turned another corner only to find out that I still had such a long way to go.

At that point I was thinking about how out of shape I was, how I miscalculated the length of the passage to the top and if I should just turn around and go back. Out of breath, I stopped to take a break and then I looked behind me and noticed how far I had travelled up the mountain. My car was a tiny speck in the distance and I couldn’t believe how high I climbed. I was back in the moment, feeling proud of myself and how far I had come. I was able to hear the leaves ruffle in the wind and enjoy the view. The gap between where I was and where I wanted to be was closed. The last leg of the trip was pure joy as I was present to all the sights around me, even with sore muscles and tired feet. When I had reached to top, it was a good feeling to reach the goal but I knew that the gift was in the journey.

This story is such a great metaphor for life. Is there a gap between where you are and where you want to be? Are you waiting for your true love or for the next promotion? Maybe you are waiting to be happy until your vacation starts. The feeling of dissatisfaction does not come because the things you want have not materialized, but in the idea that what you want is going to make your life any better or happier.

When you create goals for your business or personal life, they aren’t supposed to be there to put your life on hold until they are achieved. Goals help enrich your life, not make your life. If you have the attitude that it isn’t enough right now, it will never be enough. You will always want more—more dates, more attention, more commitment, more money, more status, another business deal, etc.  You will relentlessly riding a treadmill that goes nowhere and leaves you constantly dissatisfied with your life.

The gap between where you are and where you want to be is created by your mind. The gap is a story you tell yourself about your life and how much better things will become one day. To truly find joy in life is to close the gap. Find ways to generate a full feeling about life instead of starving for something (or someone) to save you.

The secret to attracting unlimited abundance and love is to feel as if you already have it. Your subconscious mind cannot see the future and only creates what it already knows. If you want to shift your life in a new direction, you must create the space for the deep mind to build upon. It could form your life upon the idea of not enough or upon more than enough…your choice.

To generate the belief that you already have more than enough, turn around and take a good assessment of how far you have come in your life. Become conscious of all of your wonderful qualities and accomplishments. Really feel so proud of who you are and where you are right now. If you focus every day on a sense of fullness, you will keep attracting more good things into your life. You will always have more than enough of whatever you want if you believe you have it all right here and now. Everything out there is a mirror of your deep beliefs inside. You cannot escape your mind and it can make your life a heaven or a hell. Getting something external may temporarily make you feel good but will ultimately never be enough if you have the mindset of “not enough.” Conversely, if you have the belief that you are more than enough, even the tiniest of accomplishments will be celebrated with incredible joy.

So, the next time you find yourself wishing you were somewhere else, jump back in the moment and close the gap. Take a deep breath, exhale and say, “I have more than enough and everything I need is here for me.” Interesting things happen out there when you do this inside, but most importantly you don’t have to put off feeling good any longer.

Subconscious Mind & Metaphors

NY Hypnosis Expert and Love Hypnotist Debra Berndt is interviewed on Life Coach TV in NYC and explains the power of metaphors and how they work with the subconscious mind. open source video, online video platform, video solution

Law of Attraction Anxiety: What is the Real Secret?

Many people have seen the DVDs, read the books, attended the seminars to attract romance, wealth and more, but still are not getting results. In the areas of money and love, so many have tied their hopes and dreams of finding that magic ticket to become a millionaire or meet the love of their life. The problem is not that the law of attraction does not work, but most people attempt to create from fear. Sadly, many self-help experts thrive on that fear to sell their products that feed the addiction of external gratification. This process is ineffective and will keep you buying more products that do not work if built on the foundation of perceived lack.

Thinking that more money or having a mate will make you happy leads you down a path of unfulfilled expectations. In addition, being hard on yourself for not being successful, judging your current circumstances as wrong and believing that something is wrong with you that needs to be fixed will keep you stuck. What you resist will persist and the anxiety you feel about not having those things will be a persistent until you let it go. Your subconscious mind perceives the feeling of lack and continues to give you that experience until you change your energy.

I am not taking about giving up on your dreams but acknowledging that there is nothing that can change in your external environment that will ever make you happier than you can be right now. Happiness is a choice and is solely based on your own perception. Even in times of complete devastation, you are free to interpret your circumstances. You are the one who decides what everything means.

When I was single, I had so much anxiety about my love life. I wondered when my time would come when my true love would find me and whisk me away from that awful singles world. After I met my boyfriend, who is absolutely incredible, I knew that I was still me and life was not all that different.

Years later, I left my thriving practice in Denver and moved to New York City. I had to start my business over again, money was tight and it took a while to generate momentum. In the first few months, I meditated everyday to help ease my financial stress. One day, as I sat there unable to face my anxiety any longer, a thought came to my head that shifted the tension forever. “Don’t you remember when you used to worry like this over finding a man?” There it was…life’s never-ending pursuit of something to get better…right in my face.

I realized that no matter what you seem to get in life, there will be always more that you need if you are dependent upon external forces to bring you happiness. Feeling as if the power is outside of you, it is no wonder that you would feel small and fearful. The anxiety that is created by lack of money or love must be addressed in order to be fully at peace. If not, you will be clinging on to any money that comes in or the first man that arrives, remaining in a state of uncertainty and turmoil throughout your life.

You see, what you really want is to feel good, not money or love. You are tricked to believe that joy comes in a nice fat check or the sexiest man or woman alive. A sense of happiness can be realized within you right now and supersedes any attachment to results that previously kept you in a state of panic. Working with the felt sense in your body and using visualization to release the tension is a powerful tool in discovering your own inner peace.

Self-hypnosis is the perfect technique to alleviate panic because it not only brings you to a state of extraordinary relaxation, but works with the subconscious gunk that caused the discomfort in the first place.

Once the anxiety is cleared and you have peace of mind, you can freely attract any of those external bonuses whenever you want. When they arrive, you will be amazed at how little they add to your sense of joy since you already found greater elation inside. Once you discover your own well of joy that is abundant within you, you will never feel lack again.

There is a myth that life gets better. This moment is all you have. Stop wasting it on thinking about what you don’t have and be grateful for this precious human life that is right here, right now before it goes away.

Check out my free teleseminar on Money Anxiety Freedom!

How Hypnosis Works – Life Coach TV Interview

Check out my interview on Life Coach TV in NYC. It is 30 minutes in length and separated into three sections for size consideration. Here I explain to Laurie Lawson of the International Coaches Federation – NYC Chapter Vice President the benefits of hypnosis and how it can help coaches get faster results for their clients. Learn the myths of hypnosis, the power of the subconscious mind and what stops you from reaching your goals. How hypnosis can help you shift your life in a new direction.

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Dealing with Perfection when Dating

If you struggle in love, you are probably one of those people who claim to be a perfectionist. The root belief of that type of personality is about not being good enough. No matter how good your life can be there is always that voice inside that says it could be better. Even when you have a fantastic date, you start to pick apart their faults. If someone breaks up with you, immediately you begin to wonder what you did wrong.

Many perfectionists have grown up in critical households. Rarely complimented and highly judged, they become their own worse enemy as their parents comments become their own voice inside their minds. To make up for this imbalance, these people strive for success but are seldom satisfied with whatever goals they reach. When good things happen, they tend to label their fortune as luck and have anxiety about being worthy of having it all.

Some singles with this belief will find fault with the nice guys/girls they date saying “they are not good enough.” At the same time, these searchers give their heart away to people who treat them poorly because they really believe on a deep level “they themselves are not good enough.” The nice guys/girls who get rejected start to feel “not good enough” and the cycle continues where a healthy relationship is rare in our society.

When I was single, I used to constantly work on personal improvement. I knew if I just made myself a little better that someone would finally love me. Anytime I would start to feel good about myself, a guy would stop calling and I felt like a failure again. Then on to another workshop to become someone better, more appealing, more loveable so that I could finally earn the right to be in a healthy relationship. In other words, I had perfection so tightly related to having a partner that I was blocking love because I was never felt perfect. You simply cannot be in two places at the same time.

The problem with the term personal improvement is that it is a illusory idea. This concept assumes that people are broken and need to be fixed, improved upon to fit in with all of the normal people in the world. If God made man in his likeness, don’t you think there is possibly at least a little bit of perfection in all of us?

Becoming your best self does not have to mean that you are learning something new because you already have perfection built in. The process is more about letting go of the false ideas that you picked up through your life, so that you can rediscover that inner light that is so bright and perfect within you.

When I started to distinguish between my human foibles and my true divine nature, I became free. Learning to accept my human behaviors and forgive myself for past mistakes, I let go of making that human part of me wrong, bad or incompetent. By looking at myself with soft eyes, even when I am at my worse, I can accept a partner in my life who will love me completely as well.

Stop picking yourself apart and shut off the voice that says be thinner, smarter, richer, funnier, more adventurous or whatever. Shift your mind to love even the times when you find it hard to love you. You know it is much easier to love someone when they are good but it takes wisdom to love them when they disappoint us. The best news is that you do not need to change a thing, only your perception of yourself.

All of my life I was searching for someone to love me. I discovered that she has been inside all along, just waiting for me give her hug and tell me that I am perfect just the way I am. Ultimately, I attracted a man into my life who agrees with her.

Attract Love of Your Life with Hypnosis Interview

Love Coach and Hypnotist, Debra Berndt explains how the subconscious mind affects your dating life. Use her attract love visualization hypnosis programs to shift your attraction magnet to meet true love.
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Let Go of Past Relationships

Do you have a hard time letting go of someone or something from
your past? Whether he/she is an ex-husband or ex-wife or family
member that caused you pain?

This lack of completion can be the reason why you struggle in your love life. If you are ready to release that person or event once and for all, join me for my next live teleseminar:

EVENT IS OVER – Visit my replay page at AttractRealLove.com

Toxic Assets in your Relationship Vault?

Do you have toxic assets in your relationship vault?

There is a lot of talk about toxic assets that banks have on their books, but when you conduct an assessment of the relationships in your life, do you have any that are toxic as well? Toxic relationships not only bring you down but also block good things into your life. These people are not an asset but a liability in your desire for a richer, more joyful experience.

What is a toxic relationship?

A parent, sibling, child, co-worker, ex-husband/wife, friend who is a constant strain on your emotional life. These people tend to be highly critical of you or put down your efforts to improve yourself. Many times these mental contagions have their own problems and want to dump them on you by blaming you for their failures or dissuade you from reaching your own dreams because they are jealous or lack motivation to improve their own life. Many times the toxic person has an addiction, mental illness, extreme low self-esteem that keeps them stuck. If they cannot find themselves out of their problems, they do not want you to succeed and will attempt to pull you down when you reach for the stars.

How can they affect you?

Toxic people can send messages directly to your subconscious mind which sabotage any attempts you make to improve your life. Since your mind is an open system, you can pick up their negativity and accept ideas that come from them even if you do not agree on the conscious level. Just like toxins are hidden in some foods, sometimes people who think they have the best intentions can infiltrate your mind with negative beliefs. No matter how hard you try to think positive, If you spend enough time around them, your subconscious will accept the constant flow of ideas that are constantly around you. It is like these people are hypnotizing you to match their ideas!

Why do you keep these people around?

Maybe you feel sorry for them or feel the need to help them. Some stay in these relationships because they feel responsible because of family obligations. Others stay in jobs with toxic bosses or co-workers because they feel there is no other option, they need the job and simply cannot just walk away. Still some believe they do not deserve to have more positive people in their lives.

How does the law of attraction play a role in this relationship?

You tend to attract people in your life that play out a role in a part of your subconscious. If there is a part of you that does not believe she/he is good enough, there will be someone in your life that reflects that idea. Even if you are not aware on the conscious level, the subconscious can have a hidden belief that attracted that person into your life. Think of their interaction as feedback and work on yourself to clear the idea that created the unpleasant experience with that person.

What can you do?

There are many ways to deal with toxic relationships and you are the only one who knows what is best option for your particular situation. You always have the power of choice. You can choose to remain in the situation and complain about it, you can cut ties with the person completely, or you can learn to separate their behavior from your sense of self-worth and acceptance.

If you choose to cut ties, you must be sure to clear any emotional baggage that was accumulated through the relationship. Just physically removing yourself from them is not enough. If you still have mind-chatter about what transpired, such as regrets, anger or grief, these reactions should be addressed and cleared so that you can fully regain your power again.

If you choose to remain in the person’s environment (for whatever reason), you can take steps to protect yourself from their toxic vibes. First, try to identify what belief is running the drama in the relationship. If it is an idea that you are not good enough, work with your own subconscious mind to rewrite that script on the deeper level. Self-hypnosis is an easy, powerful way to do this.

Once cleared, the attraction vibe is deactivated and the person will naturally move out of your life or will amazingly shift their behavior toward you. Once you change the subconscious belief that drew them to you in the first place, you will discover that it is easier to keep your boundaries and not take things personally anymore around them.

Everyone that comes into your life brings a wonderful opportunity for healing. If you can discover the gift of that person’s presence and heal the toxic emotions created by their interaction, you will experience an intense freedom. No longer being unconsciously manipulated by those around you, you become a force of truth unbeatable in your desire to create an amazing, happy life.

Gain Dating Confidence with Hypnosis

See WB2 News piece on Debra Berndt’s Dating Confidence HypnoDating program with testimonial from successful client.

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Attracting The One with Hypnosis

Find out how you can attract the one by using a little self-hypnosis. Clinical Hypnotherapist and Relationship Expert, Debra Berndt explains how your subconscious mind can be a powerful tool in changing your dating destiny. See her interview below on ABC News in Denver:

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