The gurus will tell you “anything is possible” or “reach for your dreams” and you believe them for a while until the results you desire do not materialize. The problem is not that the possibilities aren’t there but the probability of you having what you want is not high enough to bring it to fruition.

There is no exact science to manifestation. Yes, I said it! Contrary to popular belief, you cannot control your destiny completely because of there is an element of uncertainty that surrounds us all. No matter how well you plan your life, stuff happens, right? You see this when a healthy person gets cancer and a three-pack a day smoker lives until he is in his nineties. Nothing is guaranteed except, of course, that you are going to die one day.

At first this knowledge may take the wind out of your conjuring sails as you throw up your hands and say, “I give up!” But, actually knowing this can relieve some of the pressure you have around making things happen the way you want them, when you want them. Sadly, I think the hype of the law of attraction has caused some people great emotional strain. You may blame yourself for your “poor manifestation skills” when your best-friend brags, “look what I created! I am so powerful!” You may wonder that something is wrong with you or that you have bad karma, when the real truth is that the external is somewhat out of your hands and your friend may have just had lucky break.

I used to look up to the gurus and think that they had something magical that I didn’t have. I would try to fix myself so that I could manifest my true love and live in a mansion sipping champagne by my pool all day. I did so much work on myself that I thought I was really cursed or broken. I really felt bad based on my lack of results and believed that I was missing something. What was wrong with me?

When I finally met my true love, I was doing a combination of inner work in conjunction with a random action that I took without expecting any outcome. The precise formula of my thoughts, feelings, actions and faith all came into alignment by accident. I clearly remember the most important element that changed my destiny was letting go of the result.

The way things show up in your life involves what I call the “probability factor.” You do not have control over the result but only increasing the probability of getting what you want. If you look at creating your life in this way, you can be in command of your feelings around your desire. Instead of feeling powerless and trying to force something external to happen, you can simply focus on the things you can do to increase the probability factor and let go of the result.

Sure, everything in your life is a reflection of your subconscious programming but you don’t need to adjust every element of your subconscious to bring about the results you want. Stop worrying that there is some random idea or belief that is blocking you that you must clear to get what you want. All you need to do is increase the probability factor by continuing to work on transforming your thoughts and beliefs as they become conscious to you, taking appropriate action and having faith as much as you can. Just keep doing your best instead of trying to be perfect.

No one can tell you exactly what you need to do or what idea you must transform to get to that exact tipping point of change because there is also that uncertainty element that comes into play. Your experience in life is a combination of your probability factor and a little bit of luck. You life is not predictable.

Think about your thoughts and actions right now and grade yourself on how they will affect your probability factor. Are you doing self-hypnosis daily to shift your thoughts and core beliefs as well as taking action that brings you closer to your goal?  If your goal is weight, do you exercise regularly and eat the proper foods? If you goal is to make money, are you uncovering any subconscious blocks to wealth and taking action to draw the money to you? How about finding true love? Are you complaining to your friends that there are no single men out there and sitting home waiting for someone to knock on your door or are you keeping your chin up and being out there socially so that your true mate can find you? All of your thoughts, feelings and actions contribute to your probability factor, either increasing it or decreasing it.

Every time you surround your mind with supportive ideas such as listening to self-hypnosis, visualizing your goal or taking a workshop to understand hidden blocks to what you want, you are contributing to the probability of attaining your desire. Each time you listen to your self-hypnosis audio, it is like putting a dollar in the bank. The isolated act doesn’t seem to mean much but the collection of them adds up to make a huge difference.

Your only job is to increase your probability factor through your thoughts, feelings and actions. Let go and give up the responsibility of the outcome to God/The Universe. There is a certain peace of mind that comes with the trust that the divine probably has a better plan anyway.

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Thinking that more money or having a mate will make you happy leads you down a path of unfulfilled expectations. In addition, being hard on yourself for not being successful, judging your current circumstances as wrong and believing that something is wrong with you that needs to be fixed will keep you stuck. What you resist will persist and the anxiety you feel about not having those things will be a persistent until you let it go. Your subconscious mind perceives the feeling of lack and continues to give you that experience until you change your energy.

I am not taking about giving up on your dreams but acknowledging that there is nothing that can change in your external environment that will ever make you happier than you can be right now. Happiness is a choice and is solely based on your own perception. Even in times of complete devastation, you are free to interpret your circumstances. You are the one who decides what everything means.

When I was single, I had so much anxiety about my love life. I wondered when my time would come when my true love would find me and whisk me away from that awful singles world. After I met my boyfriend, who is absolutely incredible, I knew that I was still me and life was not all that different.

Years later, I left my thriving practice in Denver and moved to New York City. I had to start my business over again, money was tight and it took a while to generate momentum. In the first few months, I meditated everyday to help ease my financial stress. One day, as I sat there unable to face my anxiety any longer, a thought came to my head that shifted the tension forever. “Don’t you remember when you used to worry like this over finding a man?” There it was…life’s never-ending pursuit of something to get better…right in my face.

I realized that no matter what you seem to get in life, there will be always more that you need if you are dependent upon external forces to bring you happiness. Feeling as if the power is outside of you, it is no wonder that you would feel small and fearful. The anxiety that is created by lack of money or love must be addressed in order to be fully at peace. If not, you will be clinging on to any money that comes in or the first man that arrives, remaining in a state of uncertainty and turmoil throughout your life.

You see, what you really want is to feel good, not money or love. You are tricked to believe that joy comes in a nice fat check or the sexiest man or woman alive. A sense of happiness can be realized within you right now and supersedes any attachment to results that previously kept you in a state of panic. Working with the felt sense in your body and using visualization to release the tension is a powerful tool in discovering your own inner peace.

Self-hypnosis is the perfect technique to alleviate panic because it not only brings you to a state of extraordinary relaxation, but works with the subconscious gunk that caused the discomfort in the first place.

Once the anxiety is cleared and you have peace of mind, you can freely attract any of those external bonuses whenever you want. When they arrive, you will be amazed at how little they add to your sense of joy since you already found greater elation inside. Once you discover your own well of joy that is abundant within you, you will never feel lack again.

There is a myth that life gets better. This moment is all you have. Stop wasting it on thinking about what you don’t have and be grateful for this precious human life that is right here, right now before it goes away.

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After I healed that relationship and saw the real man behind the stern facade, something changed. He continued to have a big impact on my dating life because he showed me how loving and compassionate men can be even with their hard exterior. When I became aware of his gentler, loving side, I started being attracted to the nice guys which ultimately led me to the love of my life.

So, take a look deeper beyond the surface of the person you blame for your failed relationships and see if there is something more to them. By opening your mind to another possibility besides the old opinion you carried throughout your life, you may be surprised at what you discover about them. This relationship is the foundation of all others. What you see in them, you will see in all of your romantic partners. Isn’t it time to see something new?

What you need in times like this is your own stimulus package. Here are some tips to create more love in your life and feel abundant no matter what your social status.

1. Place a moratorium on complaining about being single.
Don’t whine to your friends and avoid mentioning to people how hard it is to be in your situation. Your subconscious is always listening to you and will reinforce those negative ideas, only making them stronger. Try to have a complain-free week and see the difference in your attitude.

2. Treat yourself to something fabulous.
Whether it be a pedicure, a massage or something free like a beautiful walk or drive to the beach, adding a little something extra just for you will lift your spirits and help you feel more in control of your own happiness.

3. Mirror Exercise
Look directly at yourself in the mirror and smile. Even if you have to force it, just be with your beautiful self for at least five minutes. Focus on all of your wonderful qualities. Do this every morning and you will be amazed at how great your day unfolds.

4.  Skip
Yes, skip. Even if you are in a busy city, skipping a little brings that playful side out in you. Imagine that as you skip you are kicking off all bad feelings and become lighter and lighter.

5.  Self-Hypnosis
You know I needed to include this one. Either listen to a pre-recorded cd or get into a relaxed state either first thing in the morning or at the end of the day and retrain your repetitive thoughts to ones that support your desires. Close your eyes and imagine being in the arms of your true love. Generate that love feeling every day to act as a “love magnet” drawing him/her into your life.

All these ideas have one basic ingredient – choice. You can choose to shift old behavior or stay in your existing patterns. You may discover some other stimulus activities that work for you but the important thing is that you do something different. Escaping the status quo will undoubtedly happen when you choose to new way of being.

There is a great love already inside of you just waiting to be awakened. When you access this incredible source of power, you become irresistible to the opposite sex. Go ahead, it is okay to shine.

If you feel as though you need to act different than you are, you are shutting your true self out and lowering your self-esteem. If you put on a mask, you are ashamed of what is underneath and, no matter how hot you look in that black cocktail dress or Armani suit, your self-hate will eventually be revealed.

Instead of changing, you can simply accept yourself unconditionally right now. By loving yourself even with your wrinkles, extra bumps and quirky ways, your confidence will naturally increase. Beneath the surface there is nothing but beauty and love…so why hide it?

Get out there and be your amazing self. There is someone out there looking for someone exactly like you.